Stop reading now If you are one of these people who achieve everything with ease. The following lines are not for you. They are not for people who can easily take the blows of fate and thrive either.
However, if you are one of these people who are fed up failing and are sincerely looking for ways to turn it into success, read on. The following lines will give you the direction on how to save yourself more pain and more failure.
There is nothing more frustrating than devoting yourself 100 percent and get results far from what you expected. Facing the disappointment from wasted efforts makes you ask poignant questions:
“Why, what did I do wrong?
“What happened after I have done every possible thing?”
“How come after I'm really good in so many other areas?”
Such moments of failure diminish all our mastery, skills, and abilities and leave us full of bitterness. Wouldn’t it be best before you take new actions and repeating old mistakes to find out what is sabotaging you? Is there a part of you that may be avoiding success?
Of course, your mind will give you all sorts of rationalizations about how it was your fault or someone else's mistakes, etc. However, here we are seeking a deeper perhaps a hidden reason that may not be visible for your conscious mind.
Here are some questions and practical exercises that will focus your attention inward to look deeper - inside yourself. Try to shut the usual chatter of the mind and be as honest as possible with your own self during this process. You may need to relax in silence or play pleasant music while keeping an open mind as the answers to the following questions might not come easily. This itself could be the exact reason why you have not come up to them so far.
- What is YOUR BIG WHY
Behind the layers of rationalizations we all have a deep need or needs that move us, make us take action. So have you considered what is your deepest most sincere reason that motivates you? What is this thing that will make your deepest core fulfilled, make your soul sing?
There are people who have been dreaming to become doctors, musicians, lawyers since their childhood time. They had a vision all their life and so when they grow up, they fulfill their childhood dream. Unfortunately, no one dreams to become a bookkeeper and bury themselves in numbers and tons of papers. Yet there are accountants, and I have met such, who create accounts like they are composing a piece of art, I have met supposedly boring bankers who can motivate and inspire amazing results because they know their own Big Why.
If you don’t know your Big Why the following exercise will help you become clearer. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in your best condition standing in front of your relatives, your co-workers, your bosses, your partners, your potential clients and imagine how they're congratulating you for THAT THING you’ve done while you enthusiastically explain why you're doing it, what has been motivating you.
Can you hear your Big Why now? What do you explain to others?
Pay attention to their response now: are they supportive or reserved, what is their attitude towards you.
If you have no trouble picturing yourself full of energy, joy, and enthusiasm with other people congratulating you and thanking you for your work, use it as an internal resource ever so often to prime your mind for that future moment of success.
For those of you who have not found their answer perhaps the reason is the Big Why itself. They should answer the following question:
- How inspiring is your goal?
or in other words, how motivating is for you the reason to do what you do? How passionate does your Big Why make you feel? Do you feel revved up when imagining getting THERE?
These questions will shed light on a very important area of your motivation – its origin.
Is it possible that you do the things because someone else tells you to do them while your heart is set on something else? You see, in our lives quite often the decisions have been made by our parents based on their care and love for us. However, what they chose for our future was coming from what inspired them.
Now it is time for you to make the decisions in your life. Have you discovered what inspires you? What is it that truly attracts you? Think in line with things and activities that build up the passion, activate your imagination, empower your thoughts, and thrill your entire being. If your Big Why is not lifting your enthusiasm and your energy to the max there is something wrong with it. It also means that when you face challenges, as you sure will, they will throw you off your path and away from your goal.
For those of you who want to explore this aspect, repeat the previous exercise but this time paying attention to the way you feel while you are describing to others what motivates you to do what you do. How is your energy? Do you have the enthusiasm or, right the opposite, you sound dull and boring and even wanting to hide? Is it easy to imagine the scene, to feel the satisfaction and joy from other people’s congratulations? Or, on the contrary, you lose energy just trying to imagine this.
If you're pushing your imagination to get a feel for this inner picture the reason may be in a part of you which has a very good reason to stop you from reaching your goal. This may sound illogical but it happens when you have:
- A hidden inner conflict.
It will keep you far away from your goal.
Such conflict is most difficult to uncover and remove because it is our blind spot. Had we had any notion of it we would have removed it a long time ago. An example of a justified reason to stay unhealthy or miserable or poor could be that the opposite would bring a great change into your life for which you're not ready, or it may also mean that you will lose your nearest and dearest or that achieving your goal might come at such great price and sacrifice that you are not ready to give.
This is a really tricky situation because our ignorant conscious mind will tell us stories to justify the lack of progress we so much desire. This is the stage where we sabotage ourselves. Very often we can’t see it while it is so obvious to the people around us.
To find out your inner conflict first you have to notice it and be compassionate to yourself. A most positive sign for the presence of a conflict is the lack of congruence between intention and action. As I said, it is easier to see it in others, for example, a friend who means to do but fails to act on a job, project, errand. Do you have the same pattern? You do know that action is at the core of achieving yet you somehow fail to act accordingly.
People subconsciously notice that something is wrong with them: they feel blocked, they are stuck, may also describe it at dead's end, without direction, feeling lazy but because of their blind spot they don't understand the true nature of their condition. Even if they become consciously aware that they are stuck or blocked they may still not be able to do anything to change it. This situation is described as the game top-dog (that part of you making the demands) and the underdog (the part or parts making the excuses).
If you are aware and want to resolve such a conflict you must go for the deeper reasons behind it. You should explore why you SHOULD NOT reach your goal, how this goal is impossible, how is the change threatening, what are you going to lose but more importantly who are you going to lose. These reasons may be justified for your subconscious mind but in fact, they may be the result of incorrect interpretations or based on wrong perceptions.
Try the following exercise: close your eyes and connect to this part of you that may be in resistance and ask them why they believe that you should not achieve your goal. Are they telling you that you are crazy because the goal is impossible? Is there anything that scares them, anything they can’t do? What do they need to feel safe, secure, and good about themselves? Remember to be kind, gentle, and loving when communicating with these parts of yourself because all they do is care and protect you. Keep an open mind but most importantly an open heart to whatever answers you receive.
This is the most difficult and time-consuming part of aligning all the parts of your being into one direction, yet it is fundamental for your mindset therefore your success. The subconscious mind does not easily reveal its secrets, nor it obeys instructions. You may consider working with someone experienced in Matrix Reimprinting, a method combining meditation with EFT tapping, which easily uncovers subconscious blockages and reprogrammes the mind by installing the new desired picture into the mind-body.
You would know that your inner resistance and conflicts are gone when you can easily get
- In your element
To be In Your Element is a state known to sportspeople as the Zone where champions break records. This is also known as The Flow or The Element or Wu Wei (from Taoism: the state of doing things without doing).
Bruce Lee in his in his element when he's playing ping pong with nunchaku against two masters, this is when Maria Callas sings Casta Diva and Maradona is scoring another goal as if there is no defense player or goalkeeper.
Everyone can be in their element and score big. It happens every time when we apply our unique talents, abilities, and skills with such an inspiration that makes us unique in the things we do. The key is to make yourself get in your element and aim to reach your goals. When you are in your element and you do THAT thing that inspired you and gave reason and meaning to absolutely everything in your life from effort through sacrifice to your divine inspiration, you are bound to succeed.
Irena Barton
Personal Achievement Consultant and EFT Master Trainer, founder and chair of BADEP non-profit promoting EFT in Bulgaria. Discover your Big Why and align your mind to get in your Element so that you succeed every single time – book a free consultation or join Irena’s Wired-For-Confidence webinars on https://www.eft4success.eu/
